sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
