Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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