Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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