pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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