We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
MIDGETS
????
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
