I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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