Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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