You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
