i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
