help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
