And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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