I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
