woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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