I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
