I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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