I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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