I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
