My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
