Swine flu. Run for my life!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
