is your mom at the bar?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
