Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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