His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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