??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
