Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
