Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
