Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pants are for mortals
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
