make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
