shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
