you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
