I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
