He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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