I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
