Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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