why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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