I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm bleeding and have questions
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
