My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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