I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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