nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
