I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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