Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
