If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
