He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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