He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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