we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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