if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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