i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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