I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
