How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
