I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
