guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
