Sponge bath it is.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
