Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
